This week, we turn to the counsel of Scripture concerning marriage and relationships, receiving practical wisdom to equip us for every season, whether single or married. Because marriage was instituted by God, the wisdom required for it must come from Him.
Marriage is not something to enter lightly; it is a covenant before God. Thus the Lord Jesus taught concerning marriage, saying, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it” (Matthew 19:11-12). So you see, saints, not everyone is prepared for marriage. But for those capable of growing into its largeness the requirement is clear: pursue maturity. A great marriage is not built by perfect people, but by mature ones. And this maturity is not determined by age, but by wisdom, responsibility, discipline, and self-control.
Self-control is a crucial virtue if we are to succeed in marriage. Scripture teaches us that it is “better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city” (Proverbs 16:32). Likewise, Proverbs 29:11 teaches that “fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise quietly hold it back.” A mature individual learns to restrain their words, govern their temper, and respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally. There is great wisdom in self-control and emotional restraint, which is why Proverbs 17:27 reminds us that “the one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.” This means successful marriages cannot be led by feelings, because feelings fluctuate – but God’s Word remains true. Those that grow into the largeness of marriage must learn to pause, process, and then respond, if necessary. Marriage calls us to leave behind emotional immaturity and grow into mental and spiritual stability. That is why the Apostle Paul writes, “when I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11).
Responsibility is another hallmark of maturity and a key element of successful marriages. Blame-shifting is a sign of immaturity and therefore has no place in this covenant relationship. In Genesis 3:12-13, Adam blamed Eve, and Eve in turn blamed the serpent – but neither took responsibility for their actions. But, saints, mature people do not deflect or become defensive – they own their actions and seek to grow from them. Scripture exhorts us to “carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), reminding us that marriage is not about winning arguments, but about walking together in unity. Accepting responsibility also means welcoming correction rather than resenting it. Proverbs 22:15 teaches us that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Therefore, we must cultivate a teachable spirit, always willing to grow and add to our learning, no matter how uncomfortable. Hebrews 12:11 echoes this truth, saying “no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Patience and discipline are equally important for relationships, because they shape our character over time. This is why the fruit of the Spirit includes patience, longsuffering, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These virtues sustain a marriage far more than emotion ever could.
Now for the single brethren, understand that singleness is not a mere waiting room – it is training ground. It is a purposeful season for cultivating your devotion to God and developing the virtues necessary for a successful life. If you are unfaithful with finances, careless with words, or undisciplined in habits before marriage, those patterns will follow into that covenant. Single believers should not seek qualities that they themselves have not developed. Instead, ask honest questions: “Am I growing in largeness of heart?” “Am I emotionally and spiritually prepared to carry a covenant?” “Can I put someone else before myself?” Saints, marriage follows a divine order – God first, then your spouse, children, and finally self. You must count the cost and be ready to daily die to selfish ambition. Apostle Paul offers wise counsel in 1 Corinthians 7, teaching that one must enter marriage thoughtfully, because it brings additional responsibilities and pressures. He writes, “Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are. Are you married? Stay married. Are you unmarried? Don’t get married. But there’s certainly no sin in getting married, whether you’re a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible” (vs.26-28). If single, do not despise the season – allow God to prepare you into the kind of person who can sustain a healthy, God-honoring relationship. And once married, pursue patience, responsibility, and love daily. And remember, marriage is not for the perfect, but for those willing to grow in wisdom, self-control, and selflessness.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, we thank You for the wisdom of Your Word concerning relationships and marriage. Teach us to pursue maturity, discipline, and self-control in every season. Help us to honor You in our relationships, choosing patience and restraint over impulse, responsibility over blame, and love over selfishness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
