We have already established from Scripture that God’s mind when He instituted relationships and marriage for the two to pursue their purpose as one. This is why the choosing of a spouse is one of the most important decisions we will make in our lives, and it must be absolutely guided by the Word of God. The prophet Habakkuk highlights a key element of wisdom that we too can apply in making this decision, saying: “Then the Lord answered me and said: “Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it” (Habakkuk 2:2).
It begins with knowing exactly what you want and what is acceptable for the call of God over your own life. Writing these specifications down allows you to clear your own thoughts and build a boundary for all your interactions, being uncompromising on certain qualities that you will be in the market for. This is the wisdom of God, saints!
Looking at these qualities that we ought to consider when assessing a possible union, the first and most foremost, is that this possible spouse should be a disciple; they must belong to the Lord.
Apostle Paul admonishes us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, saying, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” The term yoke is commonly used in agriculture and refers to a wooden beam fastened over the necks of two animals – usually oxen – to enable them to pull together on a load when working to plow the land. This means that if two things are yoked together, they are forced to be closely linked with each other, being most efficient when they are at the same level and going in the same direction and pace.
So when used in the context of marriage, we appreciate that the yoke balances the burden or assignment that God has placed in our hearts, making it easier to manage. It is not enough that the person is a convert who simply ‘goes to church’; they must be a disciple who is fully incorporated into the church systems. Accordingly, being equally yoked means that the man and woman agree on foundational principles, fundamental doctrine, belief systems, view of kingdom matters and the two persons have values that are aligned. Church, God and the work of the kingdom must remain our top priority – it is non-negotiable! We should not compromise our position on this for the sake of a partner or marriage!
Secondly, it is crucial that we run background checks on potential future partners as what we uncover at this stage could shed light on the kind of person we are considering. We see examples of doing prior investigations in Numbers 13 when Moses sent men to spy out the land of Canaan according to God’s instruction (vs.1-2), to see what the land and its inhabitants were like (vs.17-20), and also when Joshua sent men to spy out Jericho before Israel could capture it (Joshua 2). Saints, it is essential to know certain details about a potential partner before committing to a relationship so that we are not caught off guard.
These include but are not limited to: what their past relationships were like, the type of partners they have had, their beliefs, whether they are level-headed and rational, and the type of friends they keep. We should also learn about the kind of family they come from because marriage does not only bond not two individuals, but their families as well. It will serve us well to send out spies to carry out thorough research, so let’s make use of the community of brethren that we are surrounded by, to help us pray and to discern the spirits. Remember, “where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14).
As we make the commitment to relationships, the focus should not only be on the partner we are believing God for. We also need to take time to develop ourselves. Before thinking of bringing someone else on board, we ought to check where we stand spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and even legally.
A lot of people get into marriage carrying a lot of baggage, and the time of singlehood can be best used to clear ourselves of all burdens, to ensure that we are a blessing to our eventual partner. This should all be done in alignment and according to the standard of the Word as per apostle Paul admonishment: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2).
Lastly, understand that the right timing is critical in everything we do, even in matters of love. This is why King Solomon said, “…do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases” (Songs of Solomon 8:4), emphasizing the need to know the right seasons/times to be involved in and commit to a relationship. Committing ourselves to God’s manual for a covenant He created is our best bet to success. So saints, even in this area of marriage, choose the wisdom of God!
Prayer
Father, we thank You for this wonderful institution of marriage. In the name of Jesus, we agree with Your word that it is good and treasured in Your sight, all current and coming marriages in this house are blessed, they are fruitful, and they will attain destiny! Peace, unity and singleness of purpose is our portion, and Your name will be glorified! In the name of Jesus, amen!
